Revelation

As this year comes to a close, I find myself teetering on the edge of holding on and letting go. Should I let the year be a memory and move on without looking back, or should I hold on a little while longer so that I may feel connected if only for a short moment? I am a horrible decision maker. I always want to please others, and I let other people make my choices so that I won't be to blame for letting anyone down. A perfect example of this would be my plans for New Year's Eve. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to be out or in, whether I wanted to party or relax, whether I wanted to see new people or old. In summary, many choices were offered to me, and I didn't make a single one myself. I said maybe to everyone and then changed it to I'm not sure, and then ended up being stuck with three different NYE plans all mixed into one.
Obviously, there are certain people I would rather ring in the New Year with, more than others. Some of the people I want to be with most aren't even an option... I will miss my traditions this year, but am not afraid to make new ones, if only because I am jumping in with someone I trust with my life. If it weren't for my seastar, I would be staying home with my parents, probably watching a rented movie and drinking wine while crying inside about loves lost or never found. Luckily for me, I had other people to sulk with this year and then even more people who were willing to take the sulkers in and show them a good time.
I am excited. I get to see a lot of great people for the New Year. People I want to spend all of 2010 with. I will look back once or twice, wishing 2009 was still here and that all my happiness was still with me, but I will let most of it go. And I will move forward. On with my life, and what I want from it. Happy New Year everyone! Hope you get all your New Year's kisses and hugs from all the right people this year :)