In the past few months, my life has been twisted, turned, ripped apart, and put back together again. In the whole scheme of things, my trials and tribulations are miniscule, but to me, recent times have provided possibly the greatest struggles I have yet had to endure in my short life. Not only did my four year relationship with the boy I thought I would marry end, but I realized that the face people show you when in love can be so different than the face they show others. I now understand why there were so many complaints about us dating, why there were so many people telling me I was making a bad decision, that I was going to dull my personality... I loved him, yes, but at the same time, I was using all of myself to love him and forgot, in the process, to save any of that love for myself. I beat myself into the ground, lost any self confidence I had and ended up this girl who doesn't ever think she's good enough for anything. He broke my heart and left me completely lost in a world I hadn't really looked around in for the past four years.
But here I am, still alive, still smiling, and still enjoying things that this every day life brings. Here I am making new friends, loving new people, and considering that life might not be so bad after all. I met great new people through a crappy new job (work is a whole different story). Without some of those people, I'm sure I would not have been as okay as I am now. One of my now closest friends is someone I met only months ago, and this person accepts me completely, more than the boy I dated for four years. Even though I may be broken, even though I may be scared to open myself up, and even though I am not the best the world can offer, there are still people willing to love me for me. This is a new feeling...
I've seen things I have only ever heard about on tv shows or read in books. I've experienced things I never thought I would see in my lifetime. I've met people who broke all the molds when they came into creation, and people who have reinforced some. I am finally beginning to see that life is really supposed to be fun and exciting. Things aren't supposed to be so dull that you wonder when it's all going to end. Things may change again for me, but for now, I am only thinking about the present, the here and now, so that when I get to the future, I'll remember things to help me deal.
I won't sell myself short. I will make sure I am happy. And I will know my limits... even if only to break them (:
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