I want to say I am better.
I want to say resolving arguments has helped me resolve my own issues.
But it hasn't.
I'm trying not to worry you.
I'm trying to be hungry and be tired and normal.
But nighttimes are still usually sleepless, and eating still makes me feel like throwing up.
I will get better.
Someday.
I will.
I just... can't put my finger on what has changed in my life to make me this way.
Frustrating.
Ugh.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Insomnia.
Don't know where to go from here.
I'm at a dead end.
I can't sleep.
I'm not hungry, stop asking me to eat.
No, I don't want to talk, and no, I don't want to do this or that.
Just leave me alone.
I want to curl up into a ball and fall asleep forever.
But this isn't happening because I can't even fall asleep for 30 minutes.
Punch me in the face. Someone. Anyone.
Get me outta here.
I'm at a dead end.
I can't sleep.
I'm not hungry, stop asking me to eat.
No, I don't want to talk, and no, I don't want to do this or that.
Just leave me alone.
I want to curl up into a ball and fall asleep forever.
But this isn't happening because I can't even fall asleep for 30 minutes.
Punch me in the face. Someone. Anyone.
Get me outta here.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Love me.
He said once that I just need someone to be there when I need.
Not that I love or want love.
Just that I need attention and praise.
This is not, and will not ever, be true.
I am not the type of person that changes quickly.
I am pretty constant.
Once my heart is set and mind is made up, I am on that course for good.
So don't tell me what I feel.
Only I know that, and only I can tell you, if I want to.
Things are much better nowadays.
Back to work for both of us.
Back to being busy.
Back to realizing that life sucks when you can't see each other or talk to each other.
Back to living life the way life is supposed to be lived.
We are on the right track.
Let's pray we stay there.
Not that I love or want love.
Just that I need attention and praise.
This is not, and will not ever, be true.
I am not the type of person that changes quickly.
I am pretty constant.
Once my heart is set and mind is made up, I am on that course for good.
So don't tell me what I feel.
Only I know that, and only I can tell you, if I want to.
Things are much better nowadays.
Back to work for both of us.
Back to being busy.
Back to realizing that life sucks when you can't see each other or talk to each other.
Back to living life the way life is supposed to be lived.
We are on the right track.
Let's pray we stay there.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Ash Wednesday
Another one.
Beginning of another Lent.
Let's think really hard about what's important during this time.
Let's try not to think too much about ourselves
Let's try not to think about only the things that we want/need.
Let's try to be less selfish.
Let's try not to take things for granted.
Let's try not to take PEOPLE for granted.
Let's make this as important as it should be.
Beginning of another Lent.
Let's think really hard about what's important during this time.
Let's try not to think too much about ourselves
Let's try not to think about only the things that we want/need.
Let's try to be less selfish.
Let's try not to take things for granted.
Let's try not to take PEOPLE for granted.
Let's make this as important as it should be.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Yikes
So much to do... Don't know where to start.
Don't wanna start anything.
I hate this kinda feeling.
Hope it goes away soon. Gonna try to run it out tonight :)
Don't wanna start anything.
I hate this kinda feeling.
Hope it goes away soon. Gonna try to run it out tonight :)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Dinner for Schmucks
Just watched this. Steve Carrell is... quite an actor.
Didn't really enjoy the movie, but the idea and sentiment was touching.
Just thought I'd jot that thought down somewhere so I knew that I watched the movie and didn't try watching it again later.
On another note, I'm slightly frustrated.
Wishing that there was some way to teach people how to say no.
But I know I can't teach that when I don't even know it myself.
Didn't really enjoy the movie, but the idea and sentiment was touching.
Just thought I'd jot that thought down somewhere so I knew that I watched the movie and didn't try watching it again later.
On another note, I'm slightly frustrated.
Wishing that there was some way to teach people how to say no.
But I know I can't teach that when I don't even know it myself.
Guy
My best friend is one of the strongest people I know.
When someone that I admire that greatly tells me that I have a part in his being that great, it makes me feel...I don't know how to explain.
I feel like I have a lot more responsibility than I previously felt I did,
but I also feel like I am worth something. :)
This is why he's my best friend. He challenges, and compliments.
I couldn't ask for anything more.
When someone that I admire that greatly tells me that I have a part in his being that great, it makes me feel...I don't know how to explain.
I feel like I have a lot more responsibility than I previously felt I did,
but I also feel like I am worth something. :)
This is why he's my best friend. He challenges, and compliments.
I couldn't ask for anything more.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Spring Spring Spring
It's the first day of March!
Spring is almost here :)
Warm weather, long walks, green trees and grass!!
AAAAHHHH
I can't wait to wake up to the birds outside my window and not the blustery wind whipping against my house.
I can't wait to see spring colors and flowers everywhere I look.
I can't wait to wear pretty spring clothes instead of bulky winter ones!
Woot!!
Spring is almost here :)
Warm weather, long walks, green trees and grass!!
AAAAHHHH
I can't wait to wake up to the birds outside my window and not the blustery wind whipping against my house.
I can't wait to see spring colors and flowers everywhere I look.
I can't wait to wear pretty spring clothes instead of bulky winter ones!
Woot!!
Friday, February 25, 2011
#!
Language barriers are difficult to overcome.
Saying something in a language that is not your first almost guarantees that your thoughts and feelings are coming out slightly different than you planned.
It also almost guarantees that the opposite party is misunderstanding you.
This is difficult for me to accept because one of the most important people in my life speaks a language that is not my own... well not entirely anyway.
There are so many things I want to tell him, so many things I want to say...
But sometimes, I see no point.
This is difficult, frustrating, and sometimes makes me feel like I am not so smart.
Will he give me enough opportunities to learn what is and is not ok to say?
If not, this will be a problem I carry with me for the rest of my life.
If so, then he will have to deal with a lot more hurt before anything can start to get better...
Saying something in a language that is not your first almost guarantees that your thoughts and feelings are coming out slightly different than you planned.
It also almost guarantees that the opposite party is misunderstanding you.
This is difficult for me to accept because one of the most important people in my life speaks a language that is not my own... well not entirely anyway.
There are so many things I want to tell him, so many things I want to say...
But sometimes, I see no point.
This is difficult, frustrating, and sometimes makes me feel like I am not so smart.
Will he give me enough opportunities to learn what is and is not ok to say?
If not, this will be a problem I carry with me for the rest of my life.
If so, then he will have to deal with a lot more hurt before anything can start to get better...
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
FOCK
손가락걸고 약속따위는 왜 했는데?
다른 사람 마음을 이해한다는 말은 집어치워.
제발. 다른 사람을 생각한다면 행동부터 달라져야되는데..
아직은 내가 생각하는만큼 중요하지않다는거지 뭐.
자기 마음데로. 항상 이런식. 엄마말데로 아빠같은 사람을 만났네.
나만 힘들걸 알고서도 ... 이 짓을 계속 할까?
열받아 모두 때려부시고싶어.
참는것도 어느 정도 까지지..
다른 사람 마음을 이해한다는 말은 집어치워.
제발. 다른 사람을 생각한다면 행동부터 달라져야되는데..
아직은 내가 생각하는만큼 중요하지않다는거지 뭐.
자기 마음데로. 항상 이런식. 엄마말데로 아빠같은 사람을 만났네.
나만 힘들걸 알고서도 ... 이 짓을 계속 할까?
열받아 모두 때려부시고싶어.
참는것도 어느 정도 까지지..
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
close
definition of being close with someone.
this is what has been on my mind the past couple hours.
trying to decide if my definition is wrong or not.
frustrated.
work is burning me out.
people are turning out to be ... slightly less than what i thought.
don't know how to tell if you can really trust somebody or not.
missing my homeslice to the max.
dreaming.
daydreaming, sleep dreaming, just... dreaming.
about stupid things, smart things, and everything in between.
gym tonight.
need to run out this stress.
this is what has been on my mind the past couple hours.
trying to decide if my definition is wrong or not.
frustrated.
work is burning me out.
people are turning out to be ... slightly less than what i thought.
don't know how to tell if you can really trust somebody or not.
missing my homeslice to the max.
dreaming.
daydreaming, sleep dreaming, just... dreaming.
about stupid things, smart things, and everything in between.
gym tonight.
need to run out this stress.
Monday, January 3, 2011
moving on.
It's 2011.
I'm moving on.
No more looking back on what could've or would've been.
No more thinking I should've...
I'm happy and I'm moving on with what I have surrounding me now.
A wonderful boyfriend, the best friends anyone could ask for,
and a loving family.
There is really nothing more I could ask for without being selfish.
I pray that everyone else also finds that 2011 brings them many fond memories and the strength to move forward with no strings pulling them backwards. :)
I'm moving on.
No more looking back on what could've or would've been.
No more thinking I should've...
I'm happy and I'm moving on with what I have surrounding me now.
A wonderful boyfriend, the best friends anyone could ask for,
and a loving family.
There is really nothing more I could ask for without being selfish.
I pray that everyone else also finds that 2011 brings them many fond memories and the strength to move forward with no strings pulling them backwards. :)
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