Witch

Halloween is over! Hurray!! No more costumes, no more scary people in masks walking around. I even attended a Halloween party this year without crying! :) I went as a semi-slutty wizard, aka faux Harry Potter.
It's over, but I feel like a witch. My feelings are all over the place, my moods are going up and down like a roller coaster, I don't know what to make of my emotional and mental status right now. I like something one second and the next second, can't stand to be around it. I feel completely whole and then turn around and feel completely broken.. maybe it's the weather? Maybe it's just because I am so damaged inside that I don't know how to normally function anymore.. Maybe it's just because, like people have told me, I feel like I need to make people feel the way I feel so that I know I'm not alone in the world. Who knows? I can't explain why I am the way I am right now, and I wish people would stop asking me what's wrong. I really don't know what to tell you.
My closest friends understand that I can't really come up with any real ideas or reasons for the way I act or feel. I appreciate that they give me time to sort out my thoughts and to figure out what it is I really want/need. I wish all things in life were as easy as just being near your friends.
Maybe I took on too much this year. What with teaching youth group, being in charge of the youth group band and choir groups, working full-time, and now dating someone, I feel like my brain is all messed up and I have so much to do ALL THE TIME without ever knowing where to start. So... I'm distancing myself, it's true. If I step away from the things going on in my life, I'll have a better perspective of what my priorities should be, and how I should go about handling the mental semi-crisis I am in. I haven't had any time to READ... and that's not okay. I haven't had time to just sit down and be ALONE... that's not okay either. I want to be able to just sit in my room, alone, with some soothing music and not talk or listen to anyone for a couple weeks. Maybe more. Who knows? I also started working out again, which is the ONLY thing right now that takes my mind completely off of the things waiting for me to complete and whatnot. Ugh. These are the times when I wish someone would just please SHOOT ME IN THE FACE. Let me be me. Don't ask questions, don't tell me I'm wrong. Just let me be the way I am, and I would be very thankful :)