Autumn

Have you ever driven down a long straight road when there are absolutely no other cars around, and all you can see in the straight path ahead of you, are the beautiful trees with their leaves all red and yellow and orange? It seriously makes my heart beat faster seeing things like this. I walked, alone, for a long time. Watching the season change right before my eyes.

There isn't much time until winter comes around. I can't wait to see the first snow, I can't wait to see everything covered in white, and I can't wait for the first green sprouts to renew the world again. That means time is passing, and that means that I will be healing. More completely, more carefully. Time is supposed to heal things right?

I am not a big caffeine drinker. It makes me jittery, and it makes my brain run too fast, and it makes me feel like I am not controlling myself. But lately, I cannot start my day without a cup of coffee.

I have random thoughts shooting out from all corners of my mind at the moment. There are so many things I want to do and say, but the timing is not right for any of those things.

I feel better than last week. I don't need to be shot in the face. I don't need to sit alone in a corner anymore. One of my new found friends told me recently that in the short time he has gotten to know me, he can tell that I am someone who needs a lot of love. That I am lonely all the time, regardless of the people around me, and regardless of how close I am with them. I find this hard to believe... I feel like I am a lot more independent than I used to be, and I feel like I need a lot more space from people than I used to need. Who knows...

Confused.